Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
