PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
