The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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