YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
