Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
