Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
