i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We have started to decorate penises.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
