she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
