Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
