I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
