; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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