I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
