we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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