sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
