My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
