No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
