How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
