He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
