people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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