She said her name was "party"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
