so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
