the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize