Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
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