I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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