i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
