i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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