Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
