i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm getting married
To pizza
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
