i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
