Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Can vaginas get frostbite?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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