Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
