and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
3 2 1 whiskey
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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