You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
