i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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