Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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