Porn is love you can see.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
