i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
