On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
