So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
