he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
