the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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