we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
