i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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