Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Drunk is a universal language darling
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