I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
