I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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