I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
