Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(334): View more from Alabama

I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out

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(917): View more from New York City

just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for

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(204): View more from Manitoba

between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I got her a Nickelback box set.

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(970): View more from Colorado

He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex

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(432): View more from Texas

Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂

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