Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
