I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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