Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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