he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
