Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
