I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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