If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
