They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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