I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
