Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
