I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
