First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
