I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize
