come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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