Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
