Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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