Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize