Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
