The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
