I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just pee around me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
