I never want to see another naked old woman again.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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