the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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