It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
