Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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