Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
