We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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