I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sext me about skeletons
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
