Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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