I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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