I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
