i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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