do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
