And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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