i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Two words: nipple clamps
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