he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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