Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
