"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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