I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
