tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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