didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
