I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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