Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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