my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
