You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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