I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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