ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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