bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize