my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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