Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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