I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
