afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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