thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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