I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
