that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize