Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
