well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
my poor anus
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
