She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
