I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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