haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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