what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize