You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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